I am now into my 15th week, both babes are doing fantastic with heart beats coming in at 153(B) and 166(A). We have an ultrasound scheduled for the end of the month, exactly two weeks from today, the 21st of September. This ultrasound, hopefully, will be the one where we find out the genders! I can't wait for that moment, but I'm also very very anxious about it.
Now, no judging me here, because this is just my own opinion and I'm fully aware that a lot of people don't hold my same viewpoint. But, I am terrified of having two boys. To be completely honest, I don't even want one. I really don't need to explain why, but the big bullet points are things like: More destructive, more aggressive, more prone to breaking themselves (bones and the like), more stubborn, harder to potty train, and need I mention the whole peeing in your face thing? Gross.
I have gathered this information first hand. I started babysitting when I was 12, and every single boy that I have had to babysit, with or without siblings, have been utter terrors. I can't chalk it all up to parenting, because some of the boys I have babysat have had female siblings, even younger ones, who would rather sit and play dollies than try to climb the bookshelf and pop off the barbies heads. Now, one of my best friends has babysat a lot of boys and has told me that the ones she has had were fantastic and not at all demons, so I know that there are "good" boys out there... I just don't even want to chance it.
Plus, when you take into account that my husband has 7 siblings, 5 of them male... I think we have enough boys there already. I have taken into account the fact that while he doesn't REALLY want a boy, I'm of the opinion that all fathers need a son. I don't care how tomboy the girls are, it's just not the same as having a son. Not that Chris is overly athletic or into sports or anything that our daughter Felicity couldn't do (I think she will be besting him at video games by the time she's five), but it's just the little light I see in his eyes when he thinks about us having a son.
So I've come to terms with having one boy, especially since my intuition tells me we are, but I really don't think I could physically, or emotionally handle two. Maybe sequentially, but not together. When I've told people, after being asked what Chris and I "want", that I will take anything that isn't two boys, I get the question "Well what about two girls?" I just have to look at them like, what about it? Are you kidding? I would love to have two girls! Especially if they are anything like my darling Felicity. Oh yeah, when she's mad the devil runs for cover, but she is the sweetest, smartest, and most incredible little being I've ever met. No bias on that comment either ^^
It is, perhaps, the single reason that I am going to find out the genders of my twins. Because I DO have a preference. If that sounds bad to you, imagine my guilt. I already love these little monkey's more than I can say, and I feel awful to think that I will be disappointed come the 21st. I have been reading a lot about gender disappointment, and while I didn't think it was that big of a deal, it's one of the top contributing factors in postpartum depression. I already went through a mild case of that with Felicity. Mainly because we had trouble breastfeeding which made me feel like a bad mother. I was able to pump and feed her through a bottle, so she was getting the "good stuff" from me, but it wasn't the same as being able to supply that milk for her without the use of a pump and bottle.
And to be honest, I would rather be disappointed at an ultrasound than at the birth of my children. If we find out that we are having twin boys this month, it gives me time to get used to the idea, grieve over the loss of the dreams and ideas I had about a boy/girl pair, and move on. But if I were to wait until the day they were born, and then find out it was two boys... I don't think I would be very motivated to do anything. I'd be depressed, mopey, and I may not feel that drive to do absolutely everything for them. Now that is a bad thought.
So in two weeks, we will find out. And in 8ish weeks, I will have a fantastic baby shower, thrown by my awesome friend Gemma. And sometime in January or February, our little peas will arrive!
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